10 Ways to Have Better Sex

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              Why not resolve to have better sex? We spoke to top sex and relationship experts to hear their tips—little things you can put into practice tonight!—to help transform your love life.

1. Don't think about the kids (not even for a second). This one's for you, Supermama! "If a woman wants to have a happier and more fulfilling sex life with her husband, she's got to set aside whatever is distracting her from him—that includes the kids," says Les Parrott, PhD, professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University and author of Crazy Good Sex. Here's why this is so critical, Dr. Parrott explains: "He knows when you are genuinely with him, and when you are merely trying to check sex with him off your list."
  
2. One word: lube. Lubricant is the little thing that every woman should try to improve her sexual pleasure, and in some cases, even reduce sex-induced pain, says Amy Levine, sex coach, certified sexuality educator and founder of SexEdSolutions.com. "Using a lube is sure to enhance sexual enjoyment," says Levine. "Some women feel there is a stigma attached to using over-the-counter lubricants, as they are self-conscious that it implies something is wrong with them." Not true! "The truth is, our natural lubrication comes and goes during a sexual encounter; it's not necessarily an indication of our arousal. Besides, using a lube can make penetration a lot more enjoyable for both partners," she adds.

3. Don't strive for perfection. Cellulite? Baby weight? If you can manage to ignore it during sex, it will only intensify your pleasure, says Scott Haltzman, MD, clinical assistant professor at Brown University and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. After all, your husband probably doesn't notice it anyway. "Many women think they have to compete with Sports Illustrated models or porn stars in order to turn their man on," he says. "But your man married you because you already had the right stuff. When women obsess about getting it perfect in bed, they actually increase their levels of anxiety and are less able to feel fulfilled. You can let your and your husband's natural rhythms guide you, rather than think about what move to do next. And if you're not getting the right vibes, it's OK to ask for what you want, or to ask what pleases him."

4.Silence your inner critic. Do you ever find yourself thinking about negative things in the bedroom? Whether it's about him, you or something else, try to zap those thoughts fast. "Nothing will sabotage a woman's sex life with her husband more than critical thoughts," says Dr. Parrott. "The key is to relax and be in the moment as much as possible. Criticism, even if it's not articulated, is deeply wounding in this most tender of places. Sex is a vulnerable act, and because of that, criticism is certain to cause anxiety and defensiveness. Make your bedroom a criticism-free zone."

5. Remember the emotional side of sex. "Why do studies show that married people have better sex then their wild and crazy single friends, or even their cohabitating pals?" asks Dr. Haltzman. "Because when you have an emotional connection to the person you are in bed with, the quality of the sex can be richer and deeper. When you're with your husband, focus on the commitment you have toward each other. See yourselves not just together in bed, but together in life, and it will increase your passion, and your sexual pleasure."

6. Schedule sex. It doesn't sound very sexy, but putting sex on your calendar may be one of the most important things a couple can do, says Levine. "Many women are 'doing it all'—taking care of the kids, having a job and running the household—and it's getting in the way of 'doing it.' Our lives are so hectic and sometimes our sex life is moved to the back burner. But if you want to make it sizzle, make the time for intimacy and pleasure."

7. A quick phone call, e-mail or smile—think about "foreplay" in new ways. Do you have 30 seconds? Send your husband a steamy text message or an innocent little "I love you" e-mail. It will go a long way in the love department, says Dr. Parrott. "Sexual intimacy rests on the foundation of emotional intimacy—especially for a woman," he says. "The happiest couples in the bedroom are the couples who see opportunities for emotional foreplay all day long. For these couples, sex is not a few minutes of physical pleasure, it's a process that involves engaging conversations and gentle caresses as a prelude to what happens in bed."

8. Put a lock on your bedroom door. Nothing quashes desire like a midnight intruder at the door saying, "Mommy, I have to go potty!" Dr. Parrott says, "If you have little ones, you're bound to be nervous about them showing up at the most inopportune moment, so eliminate this fear with a simple lock. Untold couples suffer anxiety about this when it is such a simple problem to solve."

9. Try to keep anger out of the bedroom. "For many couples, when you feel bad about your relationship,
you feel bad about sex too," says Dr. Haltzman. "When conflict leads to feelings of resentment toward your mate, that can be a red flag for the health of the marriage. The best solution for letting go of the hurt is to stop and try to see your husband's behavior from his point of view. Remember, it's not like he wakes up in the morning and says, 'What can I do to make her life miserable?' so don't assume the worst."

10.Initiate sex. When's the last time you instigated sex? "This may be the most important tip of all," says Dr. Parrott. "Far too many women wait for their husband to make the move. And after a while, this sends an unintended message to him—that you see sex with him as a duty. Don't let that happen! Make it your goal to initiate sex with him at least once a month. You'll be amazed at how responsive he is!"

8 Sexy Ways to Burn Calories

             Sex—and smooching and snuggling and everything else on the spectrum—is great for your relationship and happiness, but intimate time with your sweetie is also terrific for your physical health. Not only does that "loving feeling" get your heart rate up, it can burn some serious calories, too! Check out the calorie-burning profile of each romantic activity below (based on the body weight of a 150-lb woman) along with tips from experts on ramping things up to maximize the amount of calories burned.

Kissing: 68 calories per hour

                   Remember how, when you were first dating, you'd start locking lips and 30 minutes later you'd come up for air? See if you can get into that groove again, say experts. Not only is smooching a great way to show affection and improve your bond as a couple, it can also help you burn fat. "If the kissing is vigorous and involves some petting, it could be even closer to 90 calories burned in an hour," says Jaiya Kinzbach, a Los Angeles–based sexologist and the author of Red Hot Touch. Try her technique for turning kissing into an honest-to-goodness workout session: "Kiss in unusual positions," she recommends. "Have the guy on his back and do 'plank pose' or a push-up on top of him, coming down to kiss him and then pushing back up. Push-ups burn 171 calories in 30 minutes."

Undressing: 8+ calories total
 
                    You probably don't put much thought into undressing when you're getting intimate with your husband, but an Italian researcher looked into the matter and found that the mere act of taking one's clothes off burns about 8 to 10 calories. Even more fascinating, the researcher reportedly found that a man attempting to remove a bra with his mouth burns as many as 80 calories. While that may not be applicable to you, here's what is: By upping the energy you put into undressing, you can burn some extra calories. Don't just strip down in seconds, says Kinzbach; instead, "draw it out and make it part of your foreplay, while getting a great a workout going." Or undress to tease him, adds Gilda Carle, PhD, a psychotherapist and relationship expert. "Find your favorite silk scarf, and do a seductive dance with it," she says.

Massaging: 80+ calories per hour

 

                  Who doesn't like a good rubdown from their partner? But if you're the giver, you get an additional benefit other than making your guy happy: burned calories. As it turns out, giving a good massage can get your heart rate up and kick your body into calorie-burning mode. But the way to ramp things up even more isn't to speed things up. Instead, consider going slower, recommends Kinzbach. "This may seem counterintuitive to burning calories," she says, "but going slower and deeper is not only more sensual, it works different muscles. I also recommend getting a massage table—it's better on your body, and standing to give a massage burns more calories."

Having Sex: 144+ calories per half-hour

 
                    You knew sex was a workout, but who knew that a half-hour romp in the hay with your guy could burn off the chocolate you nibbled on after dinner? The key for high-calorie-burning sex is making it hot and making it last, say experts. You can also add a little moaning and sighing, says Kinzbach, which can help you burn an extra 18 to 30 calories. And try a position change for a better workout. "If you are on top, try moving your hips like a belly dancer; this feels great and will give you a workout," she adds. "Also try a position where you squat on top of him and then bounce up and down. This is a great workout for your thighs and butt, and it can burn up to 207 calories in 30 minutes." Perhaps the best way to maximize calorie-burning during sex is to make sure you orgasm. Experts estimate that women who orgasm during sex burn more calories during lovemaking than those who don't.


Giving Oral Sex: 100 calories per half-hour

                   Here's a stat you don't hear every day: Being on the giving end of oral sex may be just as effective as a quick stint on the elliptical machine. But if you want to take your calorie-burning to the next level, Kinzbach recommends this calorie-blasting technique: push-ups (yes, in the act!). "Also you can do a little yoga, suggests Kinzbach. "Try plank position into downward facing dog, and back into plank where you can lower down and do some oral stimulation." Tack on 71 extra calories blasted when you do push-ups, and 35 additional calories by mixing in some yoga.


Using Your Hands: 100 calories per hour



               Of course, the old-fashioned hand job is a calorie burner, but you can zap an additional 50 calories per half-hour by taking things up a notch. "Get lots of stuff going at once," suggests Kinzbach. "Try really slow sensual strokes, and position yourself so that you can use your body as well." Rocking your body against his and varying the pressure and frequency can help, too, she adds.

Romantic Dancing: 103 calories per half-hour

              A little dirty dancing—even with your clothes on—can be a workout for you and your husband. Couples who take dance lessons (and practice in the privacy of their homes) can attest to this. Bonus: "It has been shown in scientific studies that right after an aerobic exercise, women become aroused and lubricated more easily," says Barbara Bartlik, MD, a New York–based psychiatrist and sex therapist. Slow dancing is fine, but you have to rev things up—and add in a few surprises—to get a real workout. "Add kissing, nibbling the neck and touch," suggests Kinzbach. And increase the pace, too!

Making Out: 238 calories per half-hour

                 A sizzling clothes-on make-out session with the man you love may be the most intense caloric blaster yet. Why? Anticipation, says Dr. Carle, can get your heart rate going. "It gives way to heavy breathing, which gives way to a great calorie burn," she explains. But you can still maximize the workout by making it hotter and sweatier! "The hotter the room—think Bikram (a.k.a. "hot") yoga—and the sweatier the make-out session, the more calories you burn," adds Kinzbach. Also, try rolling around on the bed or changing your scenery. "Make it playful and erotic and you have a great combination for a pleasurable workout."

10 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Sex

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Freud called female sexuality "the dark continent"; if that's true, male sexuality could qualify as the dark planet. But when it comes to sex, guys are simple, right? Not true. The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, and as such, what you see and hear is typically the role, not the reality. It's no wonder, in trying to please the actor, a woman loses sight of a guy's true identity. Here are 10 "unmasking" facts you may want to know:

1. We Respond to Praise
It's believed that men are so consumed by our libido that we have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But men are no different from women when it comes to compliments as catalysts for sexual confidence. This praise can be delivered before reaching the bedroom (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look), and after (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look naked). Along those lines, men worry about the size of their guts (and other measurable organs), their hair (or lack thereof) and other attributes. Try to be extra affirming about those sensitivities.

2. We Fear Intimacy…
…but not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins—of words, thoughts, feelings—and our desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men—not because it's smothering, but because we realize how desperate we are for it. What's a woman to do? First, understand that your guy's hasty retreat post-sex may be about his own shock at how much he craves a connection with you (and how much he's denied it in life). Then, retreat a little yourself. This gives him time to see that his boyhood habits are, in fact, perfectly manly.

3. We Appreciate Sex for Sex's Sake
Having said that about intimacy, sometimes a little "throw-me-down sex" is the right medicine. According to Joe Kort, PhD, a psychotherapist and sexologist, "Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally. For men, it's not about dominating a woman, but ravishing her." On occasion, try letting him ravish you.

4. We Are Not Just Our…
The penis gets all the press, but men have "many erogenous zones," says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. "Men tend not to correct women because they're afraid women will shut down and not touch them at all. But there are many places a woman should touch." Like the chest, the inner thighs and face. Two other key areas: Gently gripping a man's testicles can be a real turn-on, as it blends control with release. Also, stimulating the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, will heighten pleasure during oral sex.

5. We Encourage Fantasies
"Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them," says Dr. Kort. Similarly, Dr. Schaefer reports that men wish women would reveal their imaginings. Want to open yourself to these possibilities? Try making a game of it. First, and most important, promise not to judge the other; then, privately write out scenarios that have tantalized you and place them in a box. When you are next intimate, pull one out. If you're both comfortable, give it a shot. If not, Dr. Kort recommends asking the author a key question: What about this fantasy do you like? Sometimes, its themes can be addressed in different, more comfortable scenarios.

6. We Like It When You Talk
Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears. What kind of talk? Dirty, praising and instructive are great starts. As amusing as it may sound, a woman's words can make a guy feel as potent and virile as a Roman gladiator, even if he's a suburban banker.

7. We Need Your Honesty
Sex can solve the stresses of a relationship, but it's often where the stresses show up. If we complain about a lack of sex (or your doing certain things only on our birthday), we may be overlooking serious issues that underpin such withholding. We need you to enlighten us. The male ego is often tied to sex, so it's easy for us to dismiss bedroom problems as female disinterest rather than issues we have a part in. Avoiding these problems, however, only perpetuates your feeling unseen and our frustration.

8. We Enjoy the Dance
Men like a good quest; unfortunately, these days, there are so few. But romance earns that distinction. Allow us to court you; make us deserve your desire. Dr. Kort makes an additional point: "Emotional intimacy is about closeness, but sustaining sexual desire demands a certain amount of distance." How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls "separate sexuality": a sexual life that doesn't include, but doesn't betray, the other. "For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use toys or letting other men look at her; for her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy." Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties.

9. We Can Explain Pornography
Finding a spouse using pornography is a top reason couples seek counsel, says Dr. Kort, but it shouldn't be overreacted to or pathologized. A few things to clear up: 1. Sex addicts represent only 4 percent of the population, so it's unlikely your man is one. 2. Because childhood experiences influence sexuality as an adult, people are very idiosyncratic about what turns them on. In other words, says Dr. Kort, "no woman can, nor should she, be everything to a man." Still, the question remains: How does a woman not take pornography personally? First, determine if your mate is compulsive, or can only have sex, with pornography. If so, you may want to seek counseling. If not, Dr. Kort recommends taking the secrecy out of pornography by discussing it. Use the lens of "what about it turns him on versus what turns you off." That way, a dialogue is created that allows for honesty, dignity and closeness.

10. We Always Need It, But Not for the Reason You Think
Men are accused of being sexually insatiable, but women should rethink this. "Men see sex as a celebration," says Dr. Schaefer. "They wish women would take more of a 'carpe diem' approach to it. We move through life at the speed of sound, with multiplying challenges and pressures. It's easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure and opportunity that sex affords us. On the long list of priorities, it should not be on the bottom rung." If that doesn't make you want to "seize the day" (or something else), consider the health benefits: Orgasms release oxytocin, which has been called the "bonding hormone," bringing couples closer together while it alleviates anxiety and stress, reduces blood pressure and promotes healing.

Do you have sex with the lights on?

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 If you’ve never had a problem with your body and how other people see it, this column is not for you. For the rest, Dorothy Black turns the spotlight on body confidence in the bedroom

Lover and I did a strange and unexpected thing the other night. Something completely unusual and a little bit kinky. We had sex with the lights off.
It’s been a while since I did that.

Early in my sexual explorations, my body confidence was at an astonishing low and I felt way more comfortable taking my kit off lights out. Switching on the lights during sex was like turning the spotlight on every body anxiety I’d been nursing since childhood.

In the dark, there were two things I didn’t have to deal with: my embarrassment at my body and, what I imagined, would be my partner’s horror at the realisation that he was not sleeping with Kate Moss.
There’s really no accounting for the crazy thoughts that insecurity breeds.

Fortunately, my boyfriend at the time wasn’t a troll and I my desire to explore sex more fully finally outgrew my insecurity to express it – lights on or off, clothes on or off.

Also, very importantly, it became patently clear that switching off the lights wasn’t exactly switching off the unwelcome voices in my head yammering on about how I *should* be ashamed about being seeing naked.
Because isn’t it true that ‘being seen’ naked is less about the seeing someone else doing, and more about how those voices in your head consistently demand you see yourself?

I always imagine these voices being made up of childhood bullies (very often parents who love body-shaming their kids) and strangers marketing pop-culture norms to us. Isn’t that what all those ‘beach body’ ‘lifestyle’ drives are about? Cellulite is not normal, it’s gross; big butts are sexy; flat tummies are better than curved; big boobs are better than small; thigh gap is a thing…

It makes for an awkward kind of group sex – you, your lover and all the voices in your head judging your every curve. Or lack of curves. Self-hate really has the most magnificent scope.
It’s a strange kind of psychological masochism, inviting these kinds of thoughts to hang out with you while you have sex instead of actively ushering them out the door.

I know women who won’t try certain positions (and heavens certainly not with the lights on), because of how unattractive they think they look in it. To remedy this, I’ve heard some experts recommend that women ignore their insecurities and remember how ‘seeing’ you affects *his* pleasure. After all, ‘men are so visual, you know’.

But why not talk more about how insecurity is affecting your sex life and your pleasure?
A young woman emailed me once to ask whether it was ok to keep her top on in cowgirl style because she didn’t want her lover to look at her breasts, which she thought were too ‘small and ugly’. Well of course it’s ok, but keeping them covered because you’ve been lead to believe they’re not good enough is only perpetuating the bullshit and keeping you from accepting yourself as you are. I reckon it might even keep you attached to mean and insecure people who like to body shame you.
I suppose the question comes down to: How do you remedy the problem of damaged body confidence in a context that requires lots of it to really be fun?

For me, it had to start at a decision to start valuing experience and pleasure over nursing my shame and insecurities. It meant I had to start trusting the people who affirmed my confidence and let go of anyone who broke it down, either knowingly or not.
It meant I had to just put that light on.

These days, I prefer seeing my partner and having them see me. There is so much heat in the act of just that, that a new kind of sensuality has been created by the dark for me. Like using a blindfold, the sensory deprivation heightens everything else – taste, feel, smell … even the physical closeness of breath and whispers.

And that, I think, is the only reason to ever put the lights off. So that you can hear those whispers more urgently, drowning out any of the mean voices that might remain in your head.

Article: Dorothy Black

Is Your Girlfriend Lying ?

              All of us do lie in some situations and it is perfectly human. But if it happens in a love relationship, the trust factor can get damaged. Relationships are built on the foundation of trust and integrity. Bonds get broken when the trust factor disappears.

 Marriage Advice From Your Grandma

 Is your girlfriend hiding something from you? Is she lying? Well, there are some simple ways to sense whether she is lying. Firstly, stop suspecting her if you are imagining any crazy things. Until you find some concrete signs she is lying, don't curb her freedom, don't confront her and don't try to corner her. 

 Reasons You Get Cheated In Relationships 

But how to tell if she is lying? Here are some simple clues that may help you.

She Tries To Divert :- In the middle of something, if she is suddenly trying to change the topic, then it might be a sign that she is lying.

She Starts Seducing:- Some women know the weak point of men. When they have to cover up a lie, they start seducing the man with their charms.

She Hides Her Phone:- If there is some suspicious activity in her phone, she will surely try to hide her phone from you. This is a sign that she is lying with you.

She Will Stammer:- Of course, nervousness tends to make anyone stammer when lying. So, watch out for such signs.

She Might Avoid Eye Contact:- If she is trying to avoid eye contact, something must be wrong. Is she lying? Find out.

Is She Too Defensive:- When a person is tired of lying, he or she may suddenly turn defensive.

She Starts Crying:- When everything else fails, she may break down into tears. Yes, lying can make her feel guilty and stressed out.

10 Things Women Hide From Men ?

        Your women loves you; there is no doubt about it. She keeps things transparent; you don't need to suspect her. But don't be too over confident about your relationship.

 Signs Your Colleague Is In Love With You

 Relationship experts claim that no man can actually know what a woman hides deep inside the darker chambers of her heart. In fact, even they don't know why they are so mysterious. Do women cheat more than men? No, we are not talking about cheating at all. Do women fake it? No, we are not even talking about how they fake it in the bedroom. We are talking about some lies that women tell. We're talking about certain things women generally hide from men.

 Problems Of Dating Over Ambitious Women

 What makes a woman attractive? Are mysterious woman attractive? Yes, most of the men get attracted when a woman is enigmatic. Now, let us discuss about the things that women hide.

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 Fact #1

          Her past flings- you are free to believe that she has told you everything. But its a fact that girls tend to hide some of the wild things they did during youth. They fear judgement. You might judge her character and she hates it. Therefore, that side of her personality will not be revealed to you.

Fact #2 

She would hate to reveal her beauty formula or that which makes her beautiful. She wants you to believe that she is naturally stunning.

Fact #3 

She wants you to pay the bill even if she says she will. If you let her pay the bill, you will be gradually treated like an idiot.

Fact #4

 She proudly shows your love letters or mails to her friends. She feels great when she does so

Fact #5 

Her ex is important to her. Digest the fact that she enjoyed life even before you got in. She still treasures some experiences though she acts as if she put her past aside. A woman will always be a mystery and you will never be able to decode here inner realms.

Fact #6

 She never tells you how many men she has actually been with.

Fact #7 

She compares your overall status with here ex-boyfriend's to judge whether she has taken a right decision.

Fact #8 

She fantasises about other men when she is spending her time with you. Don't worry; this too is normal.

Fact #9

 No matter how much she loves her sister, she might not like it if you praise her sister in front of her. She may act normal but she will take revenge later on. Her sister is her rival.

Fact #10

 She tells her bestie everything, even about your actual size down there. Don't panic. This is normal.